my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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