You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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