Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
