Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just tell him i said nine months
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize