"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
