There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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