oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
