like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
