he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
