shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
