Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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