I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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