I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found puke in my bra..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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