my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize