I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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