I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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