the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
