so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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