At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
