someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You smell like stripper and shame
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
