he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
