you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize