it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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