I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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