Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
