I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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