Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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