Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
