I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize