Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
