**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize