I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
