dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
