I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
