last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
