4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
