She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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