Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
