I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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