he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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