You can't motorboat a personality
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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