The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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