never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
