its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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