We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
