I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
