we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
