i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
