so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
