She is in my trunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
