Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
