so explain again why im purple
no
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
