Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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