I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
