So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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