So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
