She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
