Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
