Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
