Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize