I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
honey bunches of taint.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
