she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
