Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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