Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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