Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
