my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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